Every Time I Remember You

Tonight was spontaneous.

After dropping Robyn off at a concert (boooo music school), we randomly decided to skip SASF and Josh, Robert, Sarah, and I headed to the Avalon mall. Our first stop was the arcade. Yahuhhhhh. I totally pwned - yes, I just wrote "pwned" - Sarah and Robert (with emphasis on the Robert) at the basketball game. 27 points. Scorrrre.

Wack that mole.

Excuse the extreme round-faced-ness of this picture. It's the only one I have of us in our super cool matching shirts. Don't have an aneurism.

After the arcade,we saw Last Kiss, which was a weird but ok movie. Some parts were ripidyroaringhilarous, but there were a few too many uncomfortable moments for my liking.

There was, however, a line in the movie that was quite touching. A father was talking to his daughter's boyfriend of three years about love, and he said something like how you feel only effects you. It's what you do for others that expresses your love.

Which brings me to the pre-outing events of this evening. We arrived home from our house grocery outing to find Sarah patiently waiting in her car with what we assumed was the "usual" Big Bite Pizza. However, after we put away the groceries, Robyn and I were sent upstairs because Sarah was cooking us supper.

When we came downstairs, we were sent through the living room and into the dining room, where candles, Regina Spektor, and a set table awaited us. For our main course, we were served - yah, literally served - chicken, dressing, gravy, and fries.

After we finished our supper, Sarah took away our dishes and brought out lemon meringue pie, which we all know is the best dessert everrrrrrr. And it was the good kind too. :D

Holy cow. I am so impressed and touched. Sooo impressed and touched. Thank you very, very much, Sarah!

Sarah also shared an epiphany with us as we were making snowcones after the movie. We are very, very lucky. We have a McWhiteson home. We have new Stephenville friends. And we have old faithful friends who will straighten your hair and cook you chicken dinners and keep you warm at a fire.

I thank my God every time I remember you.

Look at the Stars

I've decided that I like psychology. I was reading the introductory module tonight, and the textbook described psychology as a mixture of biology, philosophy, and sociology. It's right in the middle of science and art. It's Meagan in a word. Laugh out loud.

My aunt visited me today. Aunt Maureen. From Corner Brook. Scott's mom. The person who has pledged under law to take care of me if my parents perish between now and next Wednesday. It was soooo nice to see her. She kissed and hugged me(haha - my family's close with the kissing thing). Oh, common Inuit Taylor bloodddd.

On another note, I was talking to someone from home today about this year and what we'll all be doing next year. "A lot can change in a year," she said, "What if one of you gets a boyfriend?" Oh no. Holy Scott and Renee flashback. Sarah and Robyn, don't get boyfriends and leave me forever, ok? Especially not at the same time.

Another One Bites the Butt

I have a friend, her name is Sarah
and sweater vests she does wear-a
Her hair is long and really straight
she doesn't tie it back, for it's so great
It's pretty dark, a walnut brown
it's so nice when she wears it down
Holy poo, holy cow
I want Sarah's hair right now
It swings back and forth when she does walk
like a pendulum on a grandfather clock
If it was thick, she'd look like a moose
It it was frizzy, she'd look like a goose
It it was curly, a poodle she'd be
or, even worse, she'd look like me!
Sarah's hair, it is so nice
she's really lucky she doesn't have lice
as that would be bad for her beautiful hair
and people around would laugh and stare
Now they stare at her dandy locks
because Sarah simply rocks.

We all have to cross the bridge or fade away

So, new blog url. It's new and unknown.

Mom sent me pictures of Sam and Bailey today. Apparently, when Bailey got his hair cut, they shaved him. I think it's cute.

Sam's fur doesn't grow. Ohhh Sammy. <3

Mom and I also had a nice chat about how I won't be going somewhere else for university next year unless I have a specific program that I want to do there. hum. I'm thinking maybe double major in psychology and music at U of Ottawa. That's specific.

(What's with the conflict/pressure since I've been here?)

Parents don't agree, but I will not be staying here next year if Robyn and Sarah leave. I don't know if that'll mean going home or going somewhere else. "I thought you weren't finding it hard," Mom says.

"Yes; because of Robyn and Sarah."

sigh.

Dad did offer me some good advice, though. I hate my courses right now. But the negative attitude isn't helping. I have to stick it out until Christmas, and then I never have to do chemistry and physics again if I don't want to. If I want to transfer credits, I have to keep my marks up. So positive attitude from here on in. Thanks Dad.

We should apply for the Ontario universities while we're home for Thanksgiving. Would that be before the deadline?

Goodnight friendssssss. <3>

He is all the strength that I will ever need;

He will carry me.

I want the Great Lake Right Now

So here I am waiting for chemistry class to start.

This building makes me sick.

Seriously, it's all yellow.

And all of the hallways smell like chlorine.

ew.

Let's so go Moo Moo's soon and talk about what we'll do when we're not at MUN.

I Will Overcome

So I finally got that rude awakening that my mom has been talking about since I started junior high.
Oh boy.
Is it not ironic that my current average in chemistry is exactly half of what is was when I graduated?
haha.
It is pretty funny.

Man, I'm gross today.
Not only is it warm and humid,
but I'm wearing a hoodie today.
And I'm only wearing a tank top under it, so I can't take it off.
And I'm pretty flushed because of the situation as previously stated.

But I went to see my chemistry prof and I'm meeting with him on Wednesday.
We're going to go over my test and he's going to give me a hand with other stuff I've missed that hasn't been tested yet.
Besides the embarassment of telling him my mark on the test - I'm not stupid, I'm really not - it was really helpful.
He said that if I finished level three with a 92 in chemistry
and if I came from Herdman
[insert Herdman promotion here]
I should have no problems.
And that I was probably just rusty from missing literally everything that was on the test.

So phew.
What did I lose, 2.53% or something?
So the most I can get this term in chemistry is 97.47%
I can live with a 97.47%.
I'm going to have to study my butt off on weekdays and on Saturday afternoons.
But the tremendous weekends here will make up for it.

The George Street suggestion made me laugh, Sarah.
Thanks!
I was serious, by the way.
At 10:30 or something, after my parents have called and I'm ready for bed.
I'll put this stupid test behind me, and start studying for that 97.47%.
I will overcome.

And wasn't that guy in the UC nice today?
He just said, "Excuse me, would you like this chair?"
He made my day.
Seriously.
I hope I do that for someone some day.
Nice people make the world.

And I'll conclude with a line that's been in my head since last night.
And is true right now.

If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

If Ever I Loved Thee, My Jesus, 'Tis Now

The band sat in the congregation for the message tonight.

As I stared at the cross on the wall in front of the church, I was pretty impacted by this verse:

I’ll love Thee in life,

I will love Thee in death,

And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;

And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,

If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

It's been a long time since I had such a God moment.

We've got some awesome responsibilities.

I like this poem:

If I could make a wish for you,

my friend,

I'd wish for shelter

for protection from the evils of this world

For you

I'd wish for strength and stamina

to remain steadfast on the journey set before you

I'd wish you kindness and compassion

for the people you meet along the way

I'd wish you wisdom abounding;

the wisdom to know when to speak

and when to listen

when to embrace

and when to resist.

And I'd wish you love

Love multiplying

Love flowing and bursting forth

Love ever present and faithful

Love as the love of a friend such as you.

And as the dawn of morning turns to light of day

I'd set you free.

Racing as the wind

confident and convicted

Ready to touch, share, and love

And all of these things,

my friend,

I'd wish for you.

Maybe You Could Link to Me and We Could Be Best Friends

Fridays are wonderful.

I think Friday night Big Bite Pizza should be declared a tradition.

How do you have a tremendously great time while not actually playing mini golf?

You put Team Gushue together.

I am still in awe of Sarah's awesome win with a score of one.

She really beat my bum.

And, speaking of bum,

the best part about freezing your bum off at a fire in the middle of nowhere

is that you get to cuddle with two people you lovvvve.

I still cannot believe that we simultaneously saw our very first shooting star.

I agree with Robyn about the sign thing:

We are blessed beyond measure.

***

My parents are here.

I'm hanging out with them tonight.

They've been so helpful;

we won't have to clean until Thanksgiving.

I love my parents.

But I think the best part about them visiting three weeks into university

is that I now know for sure that I'm doing ok without them.

Not that I love them any less.

I'm just surviving quite well with the people I have here.

Sigh.

Growing up.

***

Once more for good measure.

An Ode

I can't write a satirrre.
It is not very fun.
When you're writing satire
that is five hundred to seven hundred and fifty words,
it is not very fun.

How Long

Meagan, you suck.

I had a private lesson with the low brass professor today.
Do I really miss music?
ugh.
Science is going well.
I'm doing well.
I'll do well.
But I feel nothing.
No sense of enjoyment or direction.
Did I hate music school?
Or was I scared because, for once in my life, I wasn't outstanding?

I've prayed for purpose for three years.
I've asked for guidance so many times.

Why will He not tell me?
Or why am I not listening?

Happy Thoughts

This has been a very, very, very weird day.
All morning and afternoon, I felt like C-R-A-P crappy crap.
And I'm pretty sure I acted like it too.
My nose is on permanent outflux.
But we'll leave that in the hands of Equate Extra Strength Night Time Cold Medication.
And God.
So, as I was saying.
I sulked all through the morning and lunch.
Because of how overwhelmingly behind I am in chemistry.
And because of the nose situation that I previously discussed.
But my chemistry lab actually went pretty well.
My instructor was very helpful.
And she actually seemed to care that I'm working my butt off to try to catch up.
And while I was stirring my CaCO3 I had a eureka moment.
And I realized . . .
What's the big deal?
So what if I don't make the freaking 80% average for the Millennium.
I can pay it back without dying.
Have I mentioned lately how blessed I am
with family and friends in abundance?
Here,
I hugged Josh six times yesterday.
And Robyn is like my new attachedatthehip motivator
Who keeps me sane and not too homesick.
Sarah knows how much I love her.
And Holly and David are too cool for words.
Random friend Lisomething at JCS was a little sketchy.
But I'm sure that's just because I don't know her.
Sorry, Lisomething.
Hopefully, I 'll get to know you soon.
And every time I pass Ali in the UC, I think of home.
And our little innocent circle.
The Good Kids.
The Invisibles.
Borborygmous.
Or whatever we're calling ourselves these days.
When I think of my best friend
I realize that I've only seen her cry three times:
Once when some idiot squat her finger in her locker.
Once in her dad's arms at the graduation dance.
And Once as she left me in St. John's.
And somewhere in my sick and twisted mind that makes me happy.
And I want to cry too.
And then I wonder why things have to change.
My parents are coming to St. John's this weekend.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm ecstatic.
They've always been good at calming me down when I'm stressed.
And I'm going home in two weeks.
With a car full of loonies.
haha.
I can't wait to hug Heather and Erika and Sarah and Samantha and Ashley and Tiffany and Grammy.
And never let them go.
But at the same time, I don't think I want to be back there right now.
As much as I miss everyone at home, (brace for cliche) we'll always be together.
Has anyone noticed that I can take all of the courses I'm doing now in Corner Brook.
Yah, shock and awe.
But I don't have that stabbing anxious feeling in my chest
that accompanies me whenever I know I've made a wrong decision.
Because I feel like I'm here for a reason.
And, at the end of the day,
I'm loving every minute of it.

Confessions of a Teenage Science Major

Everyone in the house got invited out for supper tonight except me. As I sit here eating my soggy perogies, I am horribly depressed.

So this weekend was toooo much fun. On Friday, Robyn and I cooked Sarah a three course meal. Kraft dinner never looked so fancy.

cough. meat.

baha. I love you, Sarah.

I have a story about Saturday night. When I was taking off my bracelets, I noticed that my heart charm had fallen off my Heather/Robyn/Meagan best friends bracelet. OH NO! I almost criiiiiiiiied.

So Robyn and I had been searching the floors for about thirty seconds when I stepped on the kitchen mat and heard a jingle-jingle. I'd been sitting on the mat when David, Holly, and Sarah were over. MY CHARM WAS UNDER THE MAT. Phew. Relief.

Good story, eh? I think so. It's definitely a sign. David, Heather, Holly, Josh, Robyn, Sarah, and I will be friends foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Did anyone else think this morning's service was excellent?

Fill us up, Lord, and send us out

The pictures aren't working for me at the moment, so I'll save the introduction of my friends for later.

This year at Nationals, I decided to take a break from the music and take a Revolution elective. It's kind of like Bible study on the more radical stuff. I learned sooooooooooooo much.

The whole kind of theme of the elective was sanctification. My little Revolution handbook thing says:

Before conversion, you are actually under the power and dominion of sin. You may see it to be evil, hate it, and struggle against it; but you are still under its power and forced to obey it. For instance, see how some people make resolutions and break them directly. They cannont help but sin . . . the root of the principle of sin is still in the soul.

"Sin is no longer your master, for you are no longer subject to the law, which enslaved you in sin. Instead, you are free by God's grace." (Romans 6:14 NLT)

The elective also cleared up a huge huge issue for me. We were given this reference:

"If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning." (Romans 14:23b NLT)

Ohhhh how that helps. Steve(leader) explained it to simply mean that if you have any kind of suspicion that something you do is not right, instead of trying to convince yourself that it's ok, you shouldn't do it. Not everyone feels the same way about certain things, but if you doubt anything and still do it, you are sinning.

"You may have the faith to believe that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who do not condemn themselves by doing something they know is all right." (Romans 14:22 NLT)

I also officially decided what my favourtie Bible verse is. I've heard this before, but I suddenly realized how wonderful it is at camp:

"As for me, God forbid that I should boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world died long ago, and the world's interest in me is also long dead." (Galatians 6:14 NLT)

We did a lot of imagining and invisioning stuff at camp and, though it got kind of overwhelming at times, there's something that I think everyone should do every now and then. In a quiet place, lie down, close your eyes, and picture yourself kneeling under the cross of Jesus. Kneel as close as you can. I always picture myself kneeling slightly under Jesus' right arm for some reason.

Now look up.

How can you not hang your head in shame and want to turn to those behind you and yell in frustration, "Look what He did for you!"

We must go

live to feed the hungry

stand beside the broken

We must go

stepping forward

keep us from just singing

move us into action

We must go

Tuesday

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

~Nelson Mandela

Home of the Flying Sea Hawks

I'm so confused. Every morning of the week, I wake up at six thirty, leave for school at seven thirty-five, and start three hours of classes at eight. Except Tuesday. I have one class at eleven and one at one. It's lunchtime and I'm still waking up. How straaange.

In the meantime, I'm finally getting ahead of my work. I left my history project at home, so I have nothing to do during the gigantic gap between aural skills and festival choir. It's a weird feeling.

In other news, I checked the concert band seating list. Lookiedat, I made the band. Principal second trombone. ha. Yuss.

Revolution

Mannn, time flies.

Tomorrow will be the day for a Nationals update.

It will.

Shoes

At least rocks don't taste like despair.


L

O

L

Security Envelopes

Yesterday, I made lunch. For dessert, I made these jello cool whip things. They looked like this:


My trombone and I are pals.


Hey, look. It's me at music school.


Music school sucks.

Call our house and listen to our answering machine. It's snazzy.

Wait a minute. Headboards are really called headboards because they are made of board.



I need Ms. Crane and Mrs. Hynes and Mr. White. I need real school. Or a vacation to Florida or something.

My Nuggets are Like Dinosaurs

My name is Meagan and I like to clean things.

baha. Not so much. But today was our house cleaning day. And as painful as it was, I am incredibly proud of the thorough job we did. Cleaned two bathrooms, swept and vacuumed the whole house, did laudry, and beat rugs until all my anger was released. haha. True story. The beating of the rugs was actually a little refreshing. Try it some time.

Andrew made us all omelettes during the clean-age. How shweet.

After brunch, Robyn and I met Sarah at the mall. We saw a fashion show and I returned my shirt. We also saw a super cool shirt at Bluenotes, but, apparently, Bluenotes only sells for stick people. Whatever.

Toys R Us was the next fun place to visit. Holy lots of cool toys. I miss childhood.

We had lupper at Pizza Express. Our waitress was pretty dern cool. Here are Sarah's nugget and fries:



Robyn and I had nachos. With jalapeno peppers. Yumm.



Back at at the Freshwater home, we broke out the sidewalk chalk. Tooooo cool.

Sidewalk chalk + Spice Girls = Too Much Fun

After chalk, we rented Akeelah and the Bee at the incredibly overpriced Freshwater Video. It was great and G rated. We love Javier.

Good day. I love my friends a whole lot. Just thought I'd add that.

Tomorrow is church. Yaaay:)

Oh yah. We went to CF last night. It was pretty nice. There were forty or so people there, and they were all really great. I've been in music school for three days and like one person has spoken to me, and in the hour and a half that we were there last night, we met like 15 amazing people.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I probably won't be the stereotypical music student who's life (aka lunches and friends) revolves around the music school. Oh well. I think I'll be covered.

On another note, I still haven't blogged about the wonderful week that was Nationals. I really am going to soon. I just learned and took home so much. I need solid blogging hours to even come close to doing it justice. But I promise. It's coming soon.

All 'Improvviso Amore

Today was my second day without the parents. My fourth day at university. My second day in music school. My sixth day at Freshwater Road.

Rooming with the McWhitesons has been a blast and a half. We had chip and dip every night up until last night (freshman fifteen?). We've also grown accustomed to nightly showings of Full House. Robyn and I are having way too much fun doing the dishes every night. And Josh and I are having way too much fun pretending to communicate through morris code through the wall before we go to bed.

Funny storiessss:

Robyn and I were returning from hunting down Provincial Music today, and we saw this hugely pink car. Robyn asked me, "Do you think that car is naturally pink?" Baha. Yes, Robyn. They grow that way in the wild.

Josh walked to the pizza place tonight to use the money that one of the people from CB Temple gave us for a meal. When he tried to open the door while balancing the food, he dropped his garlic fingers cheese down onto the floor. We were all upstairs, so all we heard was a thud and a loud and high pitched scream.

Yesterday, Andrew convinced me to park diagonally in our huge parking lot. "Because we can."



The huge pile of stuff is still in the living room and dining room. Tonight we had a competition to see which room we could get farther into.



Can you fiiiind me?



Oh boy. Tooooo fun. Be jealous.

I am a little sad to report that the whole school part of this whole experience is not going so well. I've gone from a state of apathy towards music school to one of complete terror. There's soooo much to schedule and buy and take care of. And I am most definitely not the best trombone player anymore.

I'm also starting to think that I'm just not cut out for music school. I'm not trying to be all emooooooo-I-suck-syndrome here, but I reeeally think that music school requires this kind of arrogant, competitive confidence that I just don't - nor do I want to - possess. But oh well. I'll switch in January if it's that bad. And Robyn and Josh will coach me through in the meantime. :)

I went to my first SJ Citadel band practice last night. It was pretty intense. We rehearsed for two straight hours. Crazy. But the band is making a CD in October, which is pretty cool. And things always seem so much better when I'm at church. If only I could convince the Lovely Sarah and Dashing Josh to join me. Then all would be well.

In other news, I finally met the infamous Melissa, my best friend according to Susan Lee. There's a lady named Mrs. Rowsell at church at home, and she keeps telling my mom that her granddaughter is just like me. Yep. We discovered this weekend that her granddaughter is Melissa. Annnnnnnnd, Sarah, remember at YC when you went to the prayer tent, and I came back, saw this tall girl behind me, and thought you had moved with some other people? Because of this incident, I also recognized mystery tall girl when I saw her at my music school audition in March and when she attended church in CB a few months ago. Guess what. Mystery Tall Girl is The Melissa. I'm feeling some intervention here.

So, plans for the weekend. On Friday, Josh, Robyn, and I are going to the CF opening night. (We signed up for all three Christian fellowship groups. How cool are we.) On Saturday, we have to start a routine and spend an hour or so cleaning the house. We're also planning to do some exploring of the city and spend some time with Sarah doing cheap, university-ish things. On Sunday, we're going to church and baking a cake for garbage day, which is Monday. Again, I say - Be jealous.

Pieces of Me

Soooooooooooo Hi from St. John's.

Update on Nationals and what life is like in the big city to follow.

I arrived early Saturday morning to a slightly disorganized home.

Saturday was filled with packing and unpacking.

Sunday was church, where I shall always find a home.

Sarah, I am so excited about us being city frrrrrrrrrriends. Come to the Chai Alpha campfire with us on Thursday.

Monday was orientation. What a joke.

And Heather returned to God's country. My emotions are not working these days and I hope that she understands how much I love her.

I auditioned for the SJ Citadel band tonight. How brutal.

And then Mom and Dad left.

The two people I love most in my whole entire life.

I had myself composed.

Until Josh knocked on my door with chip and dip and oreos and yogurt bars and Pepsi and milk. On a tray.

And I was so touched that I lost it again.